The fitting room at the Cat Burglar Costume Boutique is a place of change, discovery and mild argument. It is a small space with a curtain and a mirror, and over the years we have heard many things through the fabric. Here are seven of our favourites.
“It does not fit across the shoulders.”
This is the most common complaint, and it is made by cats who have no shoulders. We have measured, and we found only a continuous slope. Still, we agree with the customer, and we offer a larger size, which fits across everything and nothing.
“I look ridiculous.”
A rarer statement, usually made by a cat in the process of becoming a star. We reply with a sentence we have printed on a card: “Ridiculous is the first step.” The card is much admired and has not been read.
“Is the mirror supposed to do that?”
The mirror in the fitting room is full length and slightly tilted, so that every customer sees a second cat who is doing exactly the same thing. Some find this comforting. Others find it sinister. One hissed at it for twenty minutes before recognising a friend.
“My tail will not go through the hole.”
This is because the hole is for the leg. We are working on a diagram.
“Can I keep it on?”
Yes, and many do. Cats who keep their costume on usually stay on the premises for an extra hour, sitting in the window, enjoying the effect they have on the street. We count this as free advertising and a mild obstruction of the doorway.
“I think I live here now.”
This has been said four times, by four cats, and in three cases it was true.
“Is that a mouse in the corner?”
It is not a mouse. It is a decorative mouse. It has been there since the opening and has been the subject of two serious investigations, and no cat has yet resisted.
Closing the curtain
A fitting room is a place where you try on a new identity. At the end of it you either buy the identity or leave it on the floor in a heap. We do not mind which. We simply ask that you leave the curtain as you found it, which means open at one end and slightly chewed at the other.
The Cat Burglar Costume Boutique is a fictional business. All quotes are invented. If you recognise yourself, that is a coincidence and a compliment.