We receive this question more often than we would like. For clarity, the Cat Burglar Costume Boutique sells costumes for parties, photographs and the very specific joy of looking like a villain while sitting on a sofa. We do not support actual burglary. Here are our answers to the questions we are asked most.
Can I wear my costume to a real burglary?
No. Our costumes are theatrical, which means they are designed to be admired and not to work. The mask, in particular, is far too interesting to be ignored by anyone who sees it.
Will the costume make me invisible?
No. We sell night vision goggles, but they are made of cardboard, and the only person who benefits is you, in a way that is purely psychological.
Can I wear it to the vet?
You may, but we advise against it. Several clients have worn full costume to a check up and found that it did not reduce the number of needles. It did, however, produce a very satisfactory number of compliments from the nurse.
What do I do if someone recognises me?
Say “I do not know what you are talking about” in a tone of deep calm, and walk slowly away, ideally via a hedge.
Is the costume washable?
Yes, if you have the courage. Most clients prefer to wait until the costume has developed a rich character, which we call patina, and what the nose calls something else.
Do you sell a disguise for the dog?
We do, but nobody has ever bought one. The dog is simply too honest. In our experience, he stands in the doorway looking guilty about the crimes of others, and no costume has improved that.
Can I return a costume that has been used in a heist?
See our Returns Policy.
Is any of this serious?
Not at all. We are a fictional shop, with fictional goods, selling to fictional criminals who are, at heart, a collection of very small domestic cats with a taste for the dramatic. If you have a real concern about safety or security, please contact a real professional, ideally one who is not wearing a mask.
Thank you for your questions, and for your interest in dressing the part.