At the Cat Burglar Costume Boutique we want you to be happy with your purchase. We also want to be honest about what we can and cannot take back. This notice explains our returns policy using plain language and a number of examples.
Items we can take back
- Unworn costumes in their original packaging, with the tag attached
- Balaclavas that do not fit, provided the head is still available for inspection
- Gloves, if you still have the matching pair, or have at least a convincing explanation
- Torches, where the batteries have not been chewed
Items we cannot take back
Grappling hooks that have been used cannot be returned. This is a matter of hygiene and also of principle. A grappling hook that has been used has been involved in something. It may have been in a curtain. It may have been in a houseplant. It may be at the bottom of a goldfish bowl. We do not wish to know.
Why the policy exists
Last winter a customer returned a hook with a small trail of rope still attached. When we pulled the rope, a lamp fell over, followed by a curtain, followed by a smaller lamp. Sneaky Pete, our head of security, spent nine hours removing the evidence from the shop floor, which was a long time since he lay down for seven of them.
The returns process
Please bring the item to the shop in its original box. Place it on the counter. Do not make eye contact. Our returns desk is staffed by a very old cat named Colonel Biscuitworth who does not move and will not speak, but who will push your item gently off the counter if he is unhappy with it.
Refunds
Refunds are paid in the original method. Where the original method was fish, the refund will be paid in fish, but of a lesser grade, since fish loses value upon leaving the building.
Exchanges
We are always happy to exchange items for others of equal value. A hook may be exchanged for a hook. A mask may be exchanged for a mask. A hat may be exchanged for a hat, though many customers feel a hat is a deeply personal object.
Final note
We apologise for any inconvenience. We apologise in advance for any lamps.
The Cat Burglar Costume Boutique is a fictional business. This policy has no legal force, and the hook is imaginary.