FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The Cat Burglar Costume Boutique today unveiled its Silent Slipper range, a collection of eight footwear styles for the cat who wishes to move through the house unnoticed by everyone except the one person who is always awake.
“We spent four seasons researching silence,” said founder Madame Velvet Shadow, speaking from the top of a wardrobe. “We tested felt, wool, velvet, and a fabric whose name we cannot spell. We discovered that cats were already silent. The slippers simply make that fact more expensive.”
The collection
- The Whisper: grey felt with a rubber sole, suitable for hallways
- The Shadow: black velvet, for formal robberies
- The Draught: a light slipper with a small hole at the toe, for ventilation and attitude
- The Floorboard: a thick sole designed for the third stair, which creaks
- The Alibi: a plain white slipper designed to be left at the scene of an entirely different crime
Testing
Each slipper was tested on a staff member named Sneaky Pete, a lean tuxedo cat who agreed to participate in return for a tin of mackerel. Pete reported that the slippers were “excellent, once I stopped shaking my leg and walking as if the floor were hot”.
Retail details
The range will be available from this week in four colours and two sizes: small and the other one. A cat wearing all four slippers is advised to lift each leg high and deliberately, as though crossing a stream. A cat wearing three is a slow burglar. A cat wearing two is a fashion statement.
Quotes
“The slippers have changed my working life,” said one early customer, who asked to remain anonymous and was therefore photographed in full costume. “I used to creep. Now I tiptoe, and it is much more effective.”
About Us
The Cat Burglar Costume Boutique is a fictional shop selling costumes for cats who enjoy a theme. We do not condone real wrongdoing, and our slippers have never prevented anyone from being caught, because nobody has ever tried.
Press enquiries can be addressed to Sneaky Pete, who will pretend not to be in.